This Christmas, Give the Gift of Belonging

Looking for a last-minute gift idea at a bargain price, free delivery, and guaranteed arrival before Christmas?

My Mom’s got you covered.

This time of year, my Mom would tell a story from when she was a little girl in New York City. Patrick Breen, her Dad, my grandfather, was a partner in Gillfeather & Breen, the construction company that helped build Sing Sing Prison.

Patrick came over on the boat from Ireland, married his landlord’s daughter, and began living the American Dream. Things were looking good for the Breens, but the dream didn’t last.

The Depression hit, work dried up, and Mom’s family began the slow step-down. With each move to a smaller apartment, the money got tighter. After yet another move, my Mom found herself again in a new school — and it was Christmastime.

Fortunately, the school was run by a kindly nun named Sister Seraphim. I looked up her name and found the Seraphim defined as -angelic beings, belonging to the highest order of the nine-fold celestial hierarchy, associated with light, ardor, and purity.

I’m not sure what ardor means but, I think you could call the Seraphim the black-belts of the Angels. As it turned out, the good Sister lived up to her name.

It being the holiday season, the Sister had the job of picking the cast for the big Christmas pageant. And, of all the roles, the most precious was that of the Virgin Mary. Just when my Mom was feeling down, struggling to fit in, out of the blue, the Sister chose my Mom!

You could see the love in Mom’s eyes when she told that story. She was thinking of Sister Seraphim, who, with one loving gesture, gave the new girl a sense of belonging.

Fast forward to 2021, and it’s Christmastime again. Instead of a Depression, we have a Pandemic that has forced us apart, physically and emotionally. Our need to belong has never been greater.

To belong is powerful medicine. It’s about being in a place where our authentic self is accepted and valued, where we are part of something bigger. It’s a place where there’s always a welcoming smile and shoulder to lean on.

The need to belong is essential to our mental and physical well-being, no matter the culture or the generation. Without belonging, we miss a vital stepping stone to personal fulfillment. With belonging, we gain the confidence to stretch ourselves to reach our full potential.

So, how can we give the gift of belonging? The good news is that the presents are already wrapped and ready to share. Here are a few of the goodies you will find:

• Start with a smile: Imagine the world spontaneously greeting each other for no other reason than to say “we belong.” Smiling Irish eyes work great with a mask.
• Make a list: Check it twice and pick up the phone, send an email or knock on a door. You’ll be surprised to see what’s on the other side.
• Listen and affirm: When conversing in a group, ask the quiet ones what they think. Remember, you have two ears and one mouth.
• Say thanks: Never underestimate the power of a meaningful thank you for a job well done. Gratitude connects giver and receiver in magical ways.
• Connect the dots: When a shy person wants to participate, ping your network and get them an invite. Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match.
• Prime the pump: Infuse belonging into your group’s value system. Be sure to include hashtags #acceptance, #inclusion, #trust and #love.

What about finding belonging for ourselves? Each of us is different, and finding our unique place can be challenging. Here are some things we can do to up the odds:

• Don’t be shy: You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. The most crucial ingredient is effort. Be brave and dare to be vulnerable.
• Create a collage: A life of belonging is more than a snapshot. It’s an album of relationships: life partner, family, friends, workmates, and community. Nurturing each picture of belonging creates balance and resiliency.
• Practice awareness: The search for belonging begins with self-awareness. Know what you don’t know. Be humble, observe, and you’ll find your place.
• Give to get back: Try flipping roles from receiver to giver. Join a volunteer group or help someone nearby. The warmth you’ll feel is a reflection of the love you give.
• Be true to yourself: It’s tempting to change who we are to just “fit in.” Know your values and aspirations, and never surrender to conformity.

Best of all, the gift of belonging is like Christmas fruitcake. It stays fresh forever! So let’s resolve to be generous with our hearts all year long. In the words of Dr. Seuss:

“Christmas Day is in our grasp, as long as we have hands to clasp!
Christmas Day will always be, just as long, as we have we!